welcome to wherever you are....pants optional.

Saturday 6-

- I started my bridge job this week, and am using it to get over my slight reluctance of being up at about 40 feet in the air in a harness. So far, so good, and only for another week.

- started the second batch of polishing rocks on Monday, and this group is gonna be cool. I threw in stones that I picked on one of the local beaches w/my grandfather when I was 14 or 15, so it’s a sentimental journey for sure. We are gonna go searching for carnelian soon too, so fingers crossed.

- more health stuff… I’m just tired of it all. This time it’s in my (redacted). Yeah, it’s not like I’m using them, so why not have fluid build up and pain for no reason. I mean- talk about insult to injury. My calcium was off the charts low, and other stuff was also low. The good news was that my blood sugar was also borderline low, which oddly enough made me happy. I’d rather be there than elsewhere.

- I’m having a hard time penciling out the salary for the new job, so I’m looking at doing Remote Online Notary stuff on top of everything else as an income supplement. I mean its money, it’s pretty immediate, and even if I make 1k per month extra, but it’s a pain in the ass to set up. More to come, I reckon…

- It appears that once again our local school district has screwed up Buggy’s school registration, and I’m gonna come unglued. And worse yet(for them)- I’m gonna run for school board in 2024, because I get the impression that Moms for Liberty are on the march in the area and it’s time to get involved. Fighting fascism and religious extremism starts at home!

- it’s been a week yall. I’m so far in this stupid head of mine that I’m lost. Sleep has been brief and fitful, and while it’s not an option, giving up and getting blind drunk would have been sweet relief this week. I was thinking about it- I have no vices left, unless you consider coffee a vice, and I have no way to sublimate, no outlet for frustration. I guess I just feel like… you know?

Much love to yall- I know we are all in this together, but this house near the big woods is awfully lonely.

find-jupiter:

frenchbulldogmama:
circe-rising:
heatherannchristie:
causticgrip:
therustyskull:
anasandorpygoscelis:
rev-another-bondi-blonde:
Pink Floyd 🖤
TINY BIT OF GIANT’S BLOOD 🦖
Originally posted by certaineggscroissantdream
Originally posted by rottenanette
Originally posted by itseclecticbeardmakerthings
Originally posted by pynkchampagne
Originally posted by magobjects

This one… play along if you want.

Sunday 7:

1. Thank you all for the birthday love. It was kind of yall, really, and I can’t express how much I appreciate it. Sometimes the universe throws out nice little threads for us to cling to, and those have been mine.

2. My mom keeps giving me updates on the fires in the interior of British Columbia, and it’s not good. Its been interesting to read and listen to CBC news too, as they don’t mince words when it comes to climate change and the exacerbated effects that have occurred thanks to the forest practices of both fire suppression and species replanting/forest management by big timber. They did note that in the area of Ft McMurray fires in 2016, areas that were planted in species like aspen which are harder to burn, went up like matchsticks due to the intensity of the blaze. Deny all you want, you can’t put CO2 into the atmosphere at high volumes and expect everything to be just hunky dory. It doesn’t take a scientist to see how small changes have huge effects. This was the smoke here tonight…

3. Anyhow, I got up, got buggy going, cleaned the kitchen/did dishes, cleaned out cupboards, did 2 loads of laundry, went to the store/got gas, came home, mowed the lawn, and I just finished my 1st FEMA incident command course(I have 2 more to do). I mean, this is how stoping for a break is ok, right?

4. Here’s hoping that @causticgrip @pandoranora2019 Andi and Becca(sorry if I forgot people and blog names, I’m apparently awful with that…) are staying dry tonight in CA. I was fascinated to see the ‘hurricane local statement’ for LA, something they’ve never done before.

But you know, there’s a first for everything! #just climate change things

5. I start my 'bridge’ job tomorrow, and I’ll be doing it for a couple weeks. There will be a shift for NRC on stand-by for a tanker and 2 more ICS exams through FEMA, then I start with the new company on the 5th. To be honest, send good thoughts that my old job at the mill calls me back. We have been hearing things for months, and while I’m excited for the new job, it’s a really big pay cut. And while we can kinda make it work for a while, financially I can’t do it long term(no matter how much it would totally give me my juice doing it!). So fingers crossed that this will all pan out. To be honest, I can’t work any harder and do 'more’. Some days it feels like I’m just looking for a better condiment for this shit sandwich, you know?

6. And to be fair, it’s well represented in my mental health lately. It’s not good. But I keep going, eventhough I feel hollow and just stupid. Like, why can’t I find some way to take a compliment? Why can’t I figure out how to find some value in me, in what I do, in who I am, and maybe just live a few days without feeling horrible? I just don’t know what to do… anyhow, enough of my bullshit. It’s nothing new. But I feel more on edge than I ever have, ever.

7. Anyhow, thanks for reading. You all are lovely for listening to my crap. To be honest, I’m kinda on my own, but you all make me feel much less so. Much love to you all, and please stay safe. Much love!!!

inloveforevr:

inloveforevr:
Self improvement is great but ultimately? you have to accept your self. Yes you can eat better, exercise more, read more, set boundaries, love your self, but it all comes down to this. Some days you won’t have the energy to do any of these things. And you’ll look in the mirror and think that this is not enough. That’s a lie. The biggest love for self is to live slowly. To rest. To really rest. Have a nap. Eat what makes you feel good. Read if you want to. Embrace yourself and accept that you cannot and will not be ever be perfect. Accept that you are good enough. You don’t need to keep busy all the time. you don’t need to go out all the time and post on instagram. You don’t need to journal if you don’t want to. You don’t need to make art if you don’t want to. Breathe, give yourself grace and compassion. Give yourself the love and tenderness you so badly need. Be gentle with yourself. You are trying and it is good enough. You are good enough.
A beautiful poem that illustrates my point

writing-prompt-s:

The fourth little pig built his house out of wolf skulls. It wasn’t very sturdy, but it sent a message.

samatonin:

how cool would it be if we all just liked our bodies

#in repair #I don’t know if I’ll ever get there #or be worth getting there #but it would be nice

47 y'all.

Fourty-f'ing-seven.

We had her oldest son, his wife, and their 2 kids over for biscuits and gravy on Wednesday because last Friday was their oldest son’s birthday(Henry’s nephew, who is 1 year younger than he!), and he LOVES H’s biscuits and gravy… Seriously, they’re a wonderful couple. H’s oldest son is a smart, funny, reasonably responsible young man who is a great dad and I’m glad is breaking the cycle of his dad’s alcoholism and domestic abuse(H’s ex-husband); His wife is a sweet, kind, thoughtful, and wonderful mom and also super smart(she’s a teacher). Their boys are growing up in a home filled with love, humour, and kindness that I, as a step…grandparent(oye, that’s an odd statement) absolutely appreciate and love that it has come as part of our ‘mix and match’ family.

No birthday presents today, but yesterday before dinner, I got offered a job with our local governmental emergency response dispatch. I’m taking it because it’s money, and because I think I’ll enjoy it. Career? No. A good thing to have on my resume? Yes. Will I stay forever? No. Will I give it my best? Absolutely.

And am I thankful? Sure am!!!!

So I had to quit my CDL to work a dumb job for a few weeks as my unenjoyment ran out and there has been no action on extension. My family has to eat, and bills have to be paid.

But fourth-f'ing-seven… I’m surprised I’m still here. But glad I get to be here: fight for a future, do some more big things, do my best to leave the joint better than when I found it, to taste more stuff like the pork chops from the “somebody feed Phil” cook book that H made tonight, and be grateful.

That’s a big one, be grateful.

Last year I complained about something that H did for me for my birthday. It wasn’t what I wanted, but she gave of herself, and I was an ungrateful ass for not being more grateful. And what I’m really grateful for is that someone on here called me out for being ungrateful. So this year, being what it has been, has been a lesson in gratitude and saying thank you for every lesson that I’ve been taught. So if you were the anon who called me out: you are a blessing and humanity needs more people like you. Thank you, seriously, from the bottom of my heart.

So yes, fourty-seven.

Quarante-sept.

Siebenundvierzig

Wow- it’s a mouthful.

Heres to another trip around the sun, a new job, more opportunities, making sure to always be grateful and appreciate everything I’ve been given, and to give back the love that I’ve been shown. That includes you all, and I thank you for sticking around. Much love, and here begins another year- let’s make it good!